Ever since the beginning, I have always had more guy friends than girls. On multiple occasions, I have gotten my fair share of heartbreaks from girl friends. Some time ago I read a scathing article about what it means to be friends with guys. It lambasted the fact that the someone that is considered “one of the guys” has issues which explains why they aren’t found in a group of women and that they shouldn’t be trusted. Check it out here “Why You Should Never Trust A Girl with No Girlfriends”
I beg to differ.
Before I get into the thick of it, let’s point out a few factors:
– I am as girly as it can be, I love pretty dresses, wearing makeup and high heels
– I have a small yet wonderful number of female friends (who are neither part of a group or clique)
– The type of girlfriends I have are strong, independent, positive influencers who have great attributes such as kindness, empathy and compassion.
– I have a boyfriend. LOL
Not that I’ve never been in a friendship with a group of girls, I just discovered as I got older, that I didn’t need to keep myself with a group, or even a group of girls for that matter if I was looking for a more substantial friendship. By any means, I am not knocking being friends with a group of girls. Simply countering the ridiculous article that pigeon-holes women that aren’t in one. In my opinion, it is a classic case of playground bullying where you count a someone out because they don’t try to be like you and your friends. It does bring the idea of women empowerment a notch down when you have an idea alienating others through negative influence. As women, we should support each other, be empathetic to each of our individual differences and cheer each other on for every victory.
But of course, I cannot fail to mention the benefits of being the chick friend in a guy group:
- You’re the homie they can crack jokes with, no filters
- When they’re down and out, you’re one of the few they can talk to where they can be “soft”
- You learn a lot about the opposite gender just simply talking to each other
- You know they have your back no matter what (that’s why bromances are solid)
- NO BS and will call you out straight. Rare to find, but even more valuable when they’re your bros.
There you have it, we homegirls aren’t so bad.
(happy times at my uncle’s farm in the Philippines)
And no I’m not quoting Ed Sheeran – but what a lovely song eh?
Breaching Quarter life crisis, as I am now past the pre-panic stage LOL
Sitting behind a desk job Mon- Fri has got me feeling that life lull.
Throw in school on Wednesday,Fridays and Saturdays – I ask myself whether I am prematurely freaking out.
Lately I’ve had this insane fantasy of going to the Philippines for a month, not just for vacation,
but to check out what is in store for me there.
But of course that thought of going back to the islands versus staying in stable Canada fights back,
each and every time.
I know I’m not alone in that struggle of pursuing what you would enjoy rather than what makes sense.
Then I reason with myself, that maybe what I’m searching for, can be found by staying in the same country, but not exactly the same place.
After reading countless articles, a common thought was that a lot of the anxiety stems from unmet expectations and obsessive comparison disorder. (This is the new age OCD) Here’s a little bit about my background – I have always lived at home, sheltered and told that I should just listen to my mom because “what’s-the-point-of-you-making-mistakes-if-I-just-tell-you-what-to-do-and you-won’t-have-to-make-them? A good chunk of my family believes that my parents’ incessant coddling largely has to do with their own projections. And like the expected dutiful person I’m supposed to be, I allowed that I fall into this stream, with moments here and there of my own. So I conclude, this has a large part to do to why I feel this way now.
Having never moved away for school, don’t drive, cubicle job for 4 years -basically repeating my day over and over again 75% of the time.
Now in mid 2013, I started feeling this way and by recommendation, I decided to go back to school,part time and thought I’m going to give this shot and see how it goes. I am near the stretch and my anxiety reformulated again. It’s that anticipation of the unknown that draws you back into your own fears and insecurities.
I envy J. Seriously, he takes risks balls out, and has the confidence to figure it out when he gets there.
Though he may not define it as success all the time, he sticks out and makes the next great landing.
I hope to get there someday.
But for now, I start with treating each day as best as I can.
Remember to try to have a positive outlook and find contentment in knowing
that even if I don’t do anything extraordinary today, that I have hope for the next day.
Oh, and prayer helps too 🙂
Throughout our lives we allow ourselves to be inundated with junk that fills our mind. How many times have we allowed ourselves to go through days when we cannot even remember what we did, because we’ve done it so many times that everything falls into a mundane, mindless routine?
Do you ever wake up feeling so fully aware of where you are in that moment?
Often times, we struggle to roll out of bed, grab our morning coffee and let the day play out.
I attended a workshop which there was an exercise that was considered a mind cleaning technique. What is it?
Well first acknowledge what holds you back from being fully present – isn’t it that we allow things to cloud our minds such as worry, insecurities, fear, problems, etc – when these things fill our mind we lose sight of feeling in control and in charge of our thoughts and our actions.
‘Be careful how you think, your life is shaped by your thoughts’ – Proverbs 4:23 TEV
There is a truth to what they say when it comes to mind over matter. The power of a sound mind makes way for will and determination to conquer any fear, pain and doubt. In times today, we grow up facing situations that force us to define what we can or cannot achieve. Whether it is grades in school, self esteem, pressure to make critical decisions, the media; there is always something that we all have to measure up to – and because expectation is set, once they are not met, it makes way for us to accept that we are lesser than what we can be and we begin to think like this. Thus, our thoughts affect our actions and sadly feeds our doubts, fears, insecurities and amplified in worries. As Albert Einstein once said, ” We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”
But do you know who is a great example of someone whose mind is pure and free that it seems like they go through life like they are invincible?
We are in awe watching them grow up – bright-eyed, full of potential, fearless and firm in their conviction whatever it may be. I remember the last time I felt like I could conquer anything, it was in high school.
Then I hit first year college and my confidence fell. Transition from high school to college wasn’t all that easy – add an ugly breakup in there, well then you start feeling helpless. But you push on through, because you are supposed to be an adult now and you move on the next until it becomes a practice, but not exactly a first choice.
So how do you start having presence of mind? By removing the following words from your vocabulary: impossible, fear, doubt, worry, limitation and excuses. All these things start from our ego, which most of the times hurts our chances at giving ourselves a shot or any hope for that matter. Once we start believing in this, we feel as though we can conquer the world once again.
But what if we start falling into it again, that downward spiral of negativity in our mind?
What is the solution?
Think happy thoughts.
Consider it positive reinforcement – remember the happiest moment (s) in your life and immediately weight drops and you feel lighter. Again, power of thought 😉
Do you know that if you do this for at least 15 seconds every day, you’re already starting to clear out the junk and freeing your mind?
So believe that you have that power over thought and choose to be optimistic for ultimately it allows you to be in the now. ‘So do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.’ Matthew 6:34 TEV