I wish this post was about overcoming anxiety but I’m going to be honest, it’s a bit challenging.
When I feel suffocated, I have this urge to get out or go away somehow.
I’ve come to terms that I have anxiety issues that come and go, but sometimes question if it’s part of something bigger.
Ever since last night, I’ve been carrying this anxious feeling and find myself carrying it more and more lately.
You see, it does not particularly help that I am an overtly emotional person – not in a dramatic type of way, but more so, going the extremes with emotion. Think of 0 -100 REAL fast.
With a culmination of thinking for the future career wise, pressure from losing weight, dealing with betrayal, missing my boyfriend; I have too many tabs open. I get swallowed up by own self doubt and fears, that I am almost crippled in making a decision – which in turns fuel the anxiety problems I already have.
Based on things I’ve been reading to cope with this, I realized that I haven’t been indulgent in my time to focus inward. I haven’t really brought myself to challenge these doubts, to believe in myself and overcome the struggle of losing the person I was over a year ago. Or this largely has to do with the fact that I’m out of school and my boyfriend isn’t around.
Fortunately, I’ll be going over to Victoria this weekend, Thanksgiving is around the corner, vacation in December and before you know, the new year.
You know what?
Thinking about those, I feel better already 🙂
Doesn’t this picture seems like it sounds like “OOOO OUCH THAT HURTS” ?
TBH this was previously my face for the eww-creeper-get-a-way-from-me, but I think this image goes perfectly with this blog entry .
I ended a friendship last night. The first one I’ve terminated in my early adult life. The situation is sticky, as she is now dating my ex-boyfriend, which wasn’t even the issue. The problem dealt with the fact that the news came out via Instagram instead of the good ‘ol heart to heart honesty session.
When we had talked, it seemed like things were going to be hopeful (for our friendship) but unfortunately it took a little more self reflection to come to terms with the truth.
There are people in your life that will hurt you – maybe even some of your closest friends. In this case, one of my oldest friends decided she could not bring herself to be honest and let me know. She explained that she just didn’t know how to tell me.
That’s the thing about guilt, it makes you a coward.
But in the end, it comes down to the full understanding of – do I value this friendship enough to be honest?
It saddens me that throughout the year that we have hung out and talked, not once did she ever bring it up. Definitely had me evaluate where I belonged in this person’s life.
And during church, it came to me.
If my friend cared about our friendship at all, she would have weighed the risk of facing the possibility of a lost friendship due to dishonesty. Her choice to not communicate to me made it very clear.
I feel slightly betrayed as she could have possibly used my heartbreak as a strategy for her own ways…but I’ll never know. And the fact that she was aware of others that have broken my trust and failed friendships. Many could argue otherwise, but it is very easy for people to take a side and say things when it is not happening to them. Sadly, not many consider themselves in other people’s shoes before taking up a bias.
All I know is this – if they did not value your friendship, it is worth having them out of your life, as no one deserves anything less than meaningful. These days, it is extremely rare to find pure gems in friends, so for one to take the other for granted, it is nothing more than a shallow companionship. The lesson in church was very timely – boiled down to accepting situations like these as potential “teachers” in life. The acceptance that these things are meant to happen for you to grow as a person and that nothing is more reassuring than knowing your decision brings peace of mind.
All friendships that end are sad, but always remember that it opens the door for a more worthwhile love in your life.