(happy times at my uncle’s farm in the Philippines)

And no I’m not quoting Ed Sheeran – but what a lovely song eh?
Breaching Quarter life crisis, as I am now past the pre-panic stage LOL
Sitting behind a desk job Mon- Fri has got me feeling that life lull.
Throw in school on Wednesday,Fridays and Saturdays – I ask myself whether I am prematurely freaking out.

Lately I’ve had this insane fantasy of going to the Philippines for a month, not just for vacation,
but to check out what is in store for me there.
But of course that thought of going back to the islands versus staying in stable Canada fights back,
each and every time.
I know I’m not alone in that struggle of pursuing what you would enjoy rather than what makes sense.
Then I reason with myself, that maybe what I’m searching for, can be found by staying in the same country, but not exactly the same place.

After reading countless articles, a common thought was that a lot of the anxiety stems from unmet expectations and obsessive comparison disorder. (This is the new age OCD) Here’s a little bit about my background –  I have always lived at home, sheltered and told that I should just listen to my mom because “what’s-the-point-of-you-making-mistakes-if-I-just-tell-you-what-to-do-and you-won’t-have-to-make-them? A good chunk of my family believes that my parents’ incessant coddling largely has to do with their own projections. And like the expected dutiful person I’m supposed to be, I allowed that I fall into this stream, with moments here and there of my own. So I conclude, this has a large part to do to why I feel this way now.

Having never moved away for school, don’t drive, cubicle job for 4 years -basically repeating my day over and over again 75% of the time.
Now in mid 2013, I started feeling this way and by recommendation, I decided to go back to school,part time and thought I’m going to give this shot and see how it goes. I am near the stretch and my anxiety reformulated again. It’s that anticipation of the unknown that draws you back into your own fears and insecurities.

I envy J. Seriously, he takes risks balls out, and has the confidence to figure it out when he gets there.
Though he may not define it as success all the time, he sticks out and makes the next great landing.
I hope to get there someday.

But for now, I start with treating each day as best as I can.
Remember to try to have a positive outlook and find contentment in knowing
that even if I don’t do anything extraordinary today, that I have hope for the next day.

Oh, and prayer helps too 🙂


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